Everything

I have everything. A loving girlfriend, two beautiful children, a family who cares about us.

I am not sure there is even need to write anymore. Words cannot express what I feel for them. For everyone. I do not think my soul has known such happiness in so long.

She is my moon.
My muse, inspiration.
My passion, my joy, my freedom.
My obsession.
My love.

I do not have the right words for any of these, and nothing I have expressed comes close. I want to make her mine in every way possible, and give myself as fully as I can to her. Our souls...to be one.

Vivvienne, my darling. I would do anything you wished.

Public

It has been a few days since we have brought our relationship public. Of course, Talil still does not know about it.
I do wonder what will happen. Whatever does happen, I will never allow that man to have full custody over the child. If he shows he can be a good father, I am sure we can work something out so that he will be able to see him. But this child belongs to Vivvienne, and to myself. I will raise him as my own son. I do not wish for him to take traits from his greedy father.

I am rather relieved that we have finally stopped hiding it. I wish she had told me just how much it bothered her to keep it such a secret. I should have known.

I love her so very much.

Fancy

The other night, I told Lina the truth. How I cheated on her. How I left her for another woman. She knows who it is now, and I can only hope she keeps her mouth shut. I would not wish for anything bad to have to happen to her.

I am worried for my love. Her aches and pains have been starting, and I worry if they are serious. Is it my fault? I did not corrupt this one... I could never. No, this child is mine, and I wish to see him grow. I pray that it is just close to the date, and that everything is healthy and normal.

I love her too much, I cannot let anything terrible come of this.

Conscience

Why does this continue to weigh heavy on my soul? It was a burden in itself, but now the burden is the guilt I carry along with me each day.
I could not let the flower bloom. It would have become a weed, sucking the life from her, from myself. A constant reminder of the empty garden.

One day I hope she will see the truth and know it was for the best. But not right now. There are still some secrets that must remain just that.

My Moon

She is everything to me. Words cannot express my feelings for her. I will be the father of her child. I will raise him with her, as my own son. I will nurture them, and we will be a family... I have not felt joy like this since Zephanaye was first born. And I have not felt love like this since I first began to fall for Kaledrei.

I did not think I would ever move on, not from what she had shown me. But...By the Gods, my moon is so perfect for me. She is everything I could want, everything I could need. My love for her runs deeper than I can begin to describe.

My everlasting love, my moon. I wish to bask in your glow, always.

Discussion

Tonight, I interrupted her in the midst of cheating. She sounded so sorrowful, regretful. My heart was ready to break, but somehow I still listened to her words. I listened and heard her regret dripping from each syllable.
I could not help myself. What would I have done? I need her more than anything, and I could not let one mistake ruin what we have made. This is my home, my castle. I have placed all of my bets, my reputation, and everything I have, on the moon. She will not disappoint me.
She has told me the reason she stopped before going to far, was because of the feelings she harbours for me. While this makes my heart sing, it was the idea that she, in fact, had considered doing such things with him. I do trust my love, but with that trust comes the need for complete honesty about such matters.

I could never cheat on this one. No, she is too important. She revives the love I once felt with Kaledrei...

All Sorts of Awkward

That date last night did not go as simply as I had expected. What I wanted was a simple dinner and a chat, but I let my guard down and indulged Westly in information she should not have been entitled to. What is worse, I was considering taking my frustrations out on her. Her body was so warm, so close. Mine for the taking.

I spoke of my ex girlfriend, Darrina. Of course, I left her name out. 'Respect for the dead', I told her. Something she does not even deserve in death. She was nothing more than a vicious snake; living in the darkest, dampest pits and coming out to hunt for her unsuspecting prey.

I still remember how she would follow me, always watching. Anticipating my movements, and waiting for me to be alone. She would slither her way up and wrap her tail around me, digging those fangs in until the pain felt good. The sickness she bestowed upon me ran deep in my veins. Pleasure from enjoying her tortures, and satisfaction from returning the pain.

I pulled myself away from her. I could not do such a thing, not with her. Westly was undeserving of the anger I would surely pour over her. My passion must go from hatred to love. For my moon, and for my daughter. I cannot commit more heinous acts if I am to be a loving father.

I love those two too much...
No, those three.

Responsibility

She is incredible with Zephanaye. It is like she is a natural, as Lina is. Her way of handling her was quite impressive, and I am sure that she will be great with her own when he is born.

That child, of course, I will treat as if he were my own. Though I do wonder how she was able to figure out the gender. Womens' intuition, perhaps? Either way, I will treat him as my own son, despite being fathered by that greedy man. I am still appalled by what he did to her, for the sake of property, for the sake of greed. I could never.

Thoughts

I have little in the way of thoughts that do not relate to what will become of this. Lina and I are no longer together, the growing child inside of her is no more. There is nothing that we truly share any longer except the love of my daughter. I only wish it had been easier, that she had felt the same. Instead, this guilt gnaws away at my insides. What a heavy conscience I bear. At least the moon has been shining for me.

Overcast

It has been overcast for quite some time. I am waiting for the moon to come out once again.

Last night was quite interesting, with Lina's masquerade she hosted. I was not expecting the auction, and was reluctant to head on up to be bought, at first. I almost wish I had enough to spend on bidding for Lina, but I was quite broke. I am sure she will have a good time on her date, with that man who bought her. I am unsure who he is, but I trust her to contact me if something goes wrong.
I am unsure if it is such a good thing, that fleeting feeling of jealousy. Two months ago, I would have threatened that man if he would not back down on his bids. I would have denied Lina the opportunity to go on a date with another man. Perhaps it is a good thing we are letting the flame finally die down. I do not have the heart to continually lie. I do not love her any longer, and there is nothing I could possibly do to bring the feeling back.

I only hope the hatred she will surely have for me will eventually die down. I know she will always be there for Zephanaye, which makes things alright for the time being. I will need sitters if I am still ill while she is dating. I wonder if Nakawe and Palek would be willing...

Fear

I fear for my life. I fear for the well-being of my child, and I fear everything may crumble down to dust. Everything I have worked so hard for, what I have striven to complete, or even start, in my century of life.
Why do I do the things I do? Is this true regret I feel? Regret, knowing my fate could be the same as Goldsun's? One misstep and one is disowned, stripped down and executed in front of their family. In front of those they love and trust. One simple miscalculation, and it can all collapse.

Still, I hold hope. The moon still shines, brighter than before. There are so few clouds blocking her light. She is guiding me through the night, and I am grateful. How I love her radiance. I do hope she never burns out. I need her.

Shine

Why does she shine brightest before she hides behind those clouds?

I fear the dark. I wish she would shine tonight.

Moonlight

What I would not give for her to shine each night, so majestically upon me.
Her pale, soothing light gives peace. Gives comfort. Although she is but a mistress of the stars, I feel it when she shines only for me.
I could bask in that cool, pale glow forever. That false sense of security she brings;  I cannot keep her. It is dangerous to keep such a thought in one's mind.

I love the moonlight.